What is a divorce coach and when do I need one?
Relationship Breakdowns, Separation and Divorce can be one of the most emotionally and financially draining experiences in life. Beyond the legalities, there are the intense emotional waves, the daunting future decisions, and the disruption to daily life. This is where a Relationship Breakdown, Separation and/or Divorce coach steps in—offering guidance, support, and practical strategies to navigate the complex process of separation.
What is a Divorce Coach?
A divorce coach is a trained professional who helps individuals through the emotional, logistical, and practical aspects of divorce and de-facto separation. While lawyers handle the legal side, and therapists focus on psychological healing, divorce coaches provide a blend of support that targets both the emotional and practical elements of a separation.
Divorce coaches work to:
1. Clarify Goals: They help you gain clarity on what you want moving forward, whether that's related to finances, co-parenting, or personal growth. Together to you can cultivate clear intentions with your divorce coach supporting you to remain accountable to those intentions.
2. Develop a Clear Strategy: Together, you’ll outline steps to minimize conflict, stay focused, and move toward a fair outcome.’
3. Manage Emotions: Divorce is emotionally taxing. A coach will help you process difficult feelings without letting them control decisions.
4. Improve Communication: Whether it's dealing with your soon-to-be ex or professionals like lawyers and financial advisors, effective communication is crucial. A divorce coach helps you communicate in a confident, calm and clear manner that is conducive to minimizing conflict, achieving your goals and which is aligned with your authentic intentions.
5. Navigate Challenging Decisions: Separation and divorce inevitable comes with having to make big life altering decisions and often in response to receiving complicated or emotionally triggering information and advice from lawyers and professional advisors. A divorce coach can support you to digest the information and make wise decisions that are in align with your goals and authentic intentions.
6. Provide Accountability: As the stress of divorce sets in, it’s easy to lose focus. A divorce coach will keep you on track, ensuring you're meeting deadlines, sticking to your goals and acting in align with your authentic intentions.
When Do I Need a Divorce Coach?
The ideal time to engage a divorce coach is during separation contemplation or early stages of separation, often, even before you seek legal advice. That said, a divorce coach can assist you at any time post-separation. Here are some signs that it may be time for you to bring in a coach:
1. You Feel Overwhelmed and Stuck: If the sheer amount of decisions (about finances, property, custody, and your future) has you feeling paralyzed, a divorce coach can break things down into manageable steps. They help you create a clear roadmap for action.
2. High Levels of Conflict: When communication with your ex is hostile or unproductive, it often derails the divorce process and escalates costs. A coach provides tools to de-escalate conflict, fostering more productive conversations or guiding you through alternatives like mediation.
3. You’re Struggling with Emotional Regulation: Divorce often brings a rollercoaster of emotions—anger, grief, fear, and frustration. A divorce coach helps you develop coping mechanisms, allowing you to manage emotions in real time so that they don’t derail decisions that will affect your future.
4. You’re Worried About Your Finances: While divorce lawyers are there to help with legal negotiations, they may not be able to dive deep into your financial concerns. A divorce coach can assist with creating a budget, understanding asset division, and preventing costly mistakes during separation.
5. You Need Help Co-Parenting: If you have children, divorce affects not only you but also them. A coach can help you create a co-parenting plan, establish healthy boundaries with your ex, and manage the emotional strain on your kids. They can also offer tips on how to protect your children from the conflict and how to communicate changes effectively.
6. You Feel Isolated: Divorce is often a lonely process. Your family and friends may not fully understand what you’re going through. A divorce coach offers a non-judgmental space where you can express your fears, frustrations, and concerns while gaining a sense of empowerment.
Why a Divorce Coach before a Lawyer?
In most cases, a divorce coach is better to be engage before a lawyer. The exception to this is where you may need urgent legal advice to address matters of domestic violence or fast approaching time limits and/or court dates.
The reason for this is that your lawyer can do their job so much better and more efficiently when you are supported by the right professionals to move through the stress and emotional turmoil of a break-up or divorce and any related legal proceedings.
**More efficiently = time, stress and money savings**
As a former family lawyer, I loved the emotionally supported client and I can assure you their legal bills were less as I didn't have to spend as much time in supporting them to navigate the process and make decisions. When you are emotionally supported by the right people, (such as a Divorce Coach ), you can:
Receive challenging information with less distressing impact;
Understand and digest legal advice with more ease and less reliance on your lawyer to support you with this process;
Give clear direct information and instructions to your lawyer in a timely manner, with fewer follow ups from your ex-spouses lawyer and your own lawyer; and
Confidently steer the direction of your proceedings in a way that is aligned with your intentions, minimising conflict and time to resolution!
So do yourself and your lawyer a favour by investing in yourself by engaging a divorce coach, it will save you in the long run!
What Does a Divorce Coach NOT Do?
It's important to know the limits of a divorce coach’s role. They do not:
- Provide legal, financial or other professional advice. This is strictly the domain of your lawyer, financial advisors, accountants and other qualified professionals.
- Offer long-term therapy. For deep trauma, addictions and/or acute mental health challenges, a therapist is better suited.
- Make decisions for you. They guide and empower you to make decisions, but they won’t do it on your behalf.
Choosing the Right Divorce Coach
When looking for a divorce coach, consider their qualifications, certifications, background and areas of expertise. Some coaches may specialise in financial coaching, while others focus on emotional healing or co-parenting. Look for someone who aligns with your specific needs, and don’t hesitate to ask for testimonials or case studies.
In times of upheaval, having a divorce coach by your side can reduce stress, clarify your goals, and ensure you're moving forward with a sense of purpose. If you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or unsure how to approach the next chapter of your life, or simply wish to ensure you avoid costly mistakes as you navigate the process, a divorce coach could be the partner you need.
Need a Divorce Coach?
We can help!!!!
Kara Ockendon of Soul Healing is a Relationship Breakdown & Divorce Coach based in Brisbane, Australia. Despite having been exposed to a traumatic high-conflict family court dispute in her childhood and sustaining a stroke at 32, Kara has successfully navigated two marriage breakdowns herself whilst gaining over a decade experience as a family and divorce lawyer as well as a vast range of other legal conflicts.
Driven by a passion for personal growth, holistic wellness and conscious living, Kara is now a single Mother with a beautiful co-parenting relationship with her “husfriend”. Her mission is to empower others to create thriving lives and fulfilling relationships amidst the turmoil of relationships breakdowns, divorce and in navigating the Family Law system.
With degrees in Law and Psychological Science, Kara brings a rich blend of personal and professional experiences and a holistic, trauma informed lens to her conscious uncoupling practice. She offers a unique approach in her 1:1 and group online coaching, workshops and women’s circles, that integrates mind, body, and intention together with practical support and guidance, that foster lasting transformation.
Kara is dedicated to supporting individuals across all relationship dynamics and at all stages of relationship breakdown. Book your free discovery call today to start thriving as the remarkable soul you are!
